Lebron James Signs Contract with Dubai.

NBA uber-star Lebron James will hold a six hour press conference tonight to announce his imminent signing with the country of Dubai to play in the NBA beginning in the 2010-11 season. 

According to reports, James will sign a three year 171 million dollar contract with the Dubai King James with hopes of league approval to make the King James a real NBA franchise.  While media speculation over the last week has had Lebron landing in either Chicago, Miami or Cleveland, not many outside of Lebron’s camp have listed Dubai as a possible destination. 

In an early morning pre-press conference press conference from his man-made island in Dubai, Lebron was willing to offer some details on the deal before it is made official tonight:

“I just want to win.  Winning is the most important thing to me and looking over my options, Dubai offered the best chance.  I couldn’t find another city that was willing to commit itself to me fully and in order to win international endorsement deals I felt that I had to make Lebron James even bigger than he is now.  Lebron James is no longer just a player, Lebron James is now a team.  Dubai is hot in the press for celebrity vacations and I’m the biggest celebrity in the history of celebrities, so how can there be a better fit?”

When asked about the state of the franchise he has signed with Lebron was willing to offer some insights about the future of the NBA’s newest potential team:

“I aint worried about the fact that no-one knows that we got a NBA team in Dubai.  I’m Lebron James.  There aint no NBA without King James.  I read somewhere that places in Africa still got kings ruling over them and now there’s a new king in town.  If the NBA wants to survive, they gotta instate the King James as a franchise.  They have no choice.  It’s all about winning.  I can’t stress that enough.  With my own team I’m gonna win so many scoring titles and MVP awards that there’s gonna be no doubt that King James is the best athlete in the history of athletics.  With this new opportunity, I’m aiming to average over 100 points a game.  No-one’s ever done that.  I’m gonna win the MVP award every year I’m in the league.  I’m gonna win every endorsement deal there is.  I’m gonna be selling food processors, scissors, diapers, penis enlargement gel….the possibilities are endless. 

Under current NBA regulations, team salaries are limited to just over 58 million dollars a year.  James’ deal will be paying him around 57 million a year for the next three years before new salary cap rules are expected to be instated. The fact that, as of right now, James is the only player under team contract does not bother him one bit.

“Lebron James is a winner.  Lebron James aint selfish.  When the Prime minister of Dubai offered to pay me the full fifty eight and a half million dollars per season along with the extra forty million I’m getting for bringing in celebrities and NBA players to buy real estate in Dubai, I said no.  I don’t need that kind of attention.  I know they can bring in dudes off the street to play with me for free and I’d still win scoring titles, but that aint what I’m about.  I want players around me who know how to play.  I’m even willing to pay out of my own pocket to fill the roster with dudes making the league minimum to get the right team around me.  I won championships in middle school with dudes that didn’t know how to play.  This is the NBA and I’m ready to take it to the next level. That’s all I’m saying for now.  There’s lots more to it, but I’m not revealing anything else until my pay-per-view signing blowout special tonight.  This aint even official until I announce it to the world tonight.  You guys wanna know where Lebron James is gonna be playing next year?  Order the special.”

Lebron is expected to make his decision official on national television on Thursday, July 8, 2010 sometime between 7:00 PM and 1:00 AM eastern standard time in between performances from Jay-Z and timeshare infomercials.  The special will be available for all international cable customers for $39.99.  Please contact your local cable provider for more details.